


Remorse

by LovingPillow



Category: Fushigiboshi no Futago Hime
Genre: Alternate Universe, Complete, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2019-03-13 19:06:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13577061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovingPillow/pseuds/LovingPillow
Summary: [Rein/Shade] It was a story that you couldn't tell where it'd go, but all stories came to an end, though she would wait for her beginning because that was all she could do.





	Remorse

It was just a simple peck on the cheek, nothing strenuous, but that had apparently undone everything she'd been hoping for between them.

"I'm sorry," his voice—thick, gruff, and sounding pretty unapologetic to her ears—muttered.

She paused in her descent, still on the tips of her toes, but clenching them in cold fury. She had known that he didn't care for her, he said so himself, but she had dared to hope that given time, he'd eventually care for her as she cared for him.

It was unlikely, and he had just slapped all her dreams in her face with nary a glance nor reason.

"You know she's not yours," was her heated response, and she soon had both her feet planted on the ground. While she didn't like hurting his feelings in any way possible, she was feeling a little vindictive over his harsh rejection, so sue her for returning his bastardized tune.

The sound of his sneer, rather than the sight of it, had her smiling a little too sweetly. She knew it wasn't right, but could she help that she wanted to pour salt in his wounds after her own wounds were ripped over and over and over, repeatedly? This wasn't the first time he hurt her feelings, and while overlooked his scathing remarks those other times, she just couldn't help but grow tired of routine.

This was reality, and she wasn't going to pretend that he'd fall for her, no matter how much she wished it to be.

"He'll leave."

He sounded resolute, she thought with a wry grin, and she shook her head as she took a step back, leaning ever so gently against her desk.

Closing her eyes, she focused on breathing through her nose. She didn't want to break it to him, but she knew that reality had to crash in at sometime—just like it did for her, right?

"He asked her to marry him," she sighed, and slowly opened her eyes to look up at his furious gaze.

When he continued to glare daggers at her, her eyes crinkled at the corners, and she resisted the urge to shake in mirth.

"She said yes," she finally dropped the truth bomb, and she didn't even flinch when he slammed his fists in the space between her elbows and her hips. Hell, she didn't even flinch when he upped his glare of death.

There was never a doubt that she loved him, despite all his shortcomings. Why couldn't she have fallen for a sweet guy who wouldn't dismiss her as easily as he did? Why couldn't she have fallen for someone who returned her affections? Why did she fall for an utter idiot, and an ass at that? Why?

She knew why, she obviously had to know why, because she had questioned herself time and time again, over countless hours of hiccuping in tears and gritting her teeth in silence.

"I can be a substitute," she whispered, proposing her unhealthy plan for even a small peak into what it'd be like to be his, for even just a day, and though it would hurt her once it was over, she just had to take that chance. The pain would be worth it, because she'd been preparing herself for ages, ever since she found him simpering over her sister, and hadn't spared a look in her direction.

"You're disgusting," and yet, when he dropped his forehead against her shoulder, she knew he accepted her terms.

With a smile, she closed her eyes and lifted her arms to enclose his head, holding him still against her. She would take what she could get, even if he gave her nothing—certainly not his heart—and she was left to her own pieces, all falling apart as clear as rain on a rainy day.

"I'm at your disposal," was all she said, and she imagined a lone tear sliding down her cheek, because surely, there was nothing there—nothing physical—that would reveal her regrets.

* * *

Her eyes fell to his figure, leaning against the gates where he seemed to be waiting for someone. Grasping the front of her chest, she felt her lips lift into a smile, because he was waiting outside, and he was waiting _for her_.

But she knew it wasn't true, because the very next moment she donned her satchel and turned to look out the window, she saw him shuffling up towards her sister, smiling in a way that would've stole her breath right out of her chest had it been directed solely at her.

Eyes closed, she breathed in deep, trying to stop the tears threatening to emerge. Turning away from the window, she questioned her next step, because surely he'd be guiding her sister right home, and what was she to do but drown in her despair?

"I need a drink..." she whispered to the empty classroom, and though she had a bottle of water right in her bag, she didn't want water. No, what she wanted was air, because it suddenly seemed like she wasn't drinking in enough oxygen, by way of her constricting chest.

Gasping in much needed air, she greedily gulped what she couldn't see, and she grasped the edges of her table, wondering just when enough was enough. Why was she so stupid to propose pain? Why didn't he just reject her like he rejected all her other advances? Why did he have to fall for someone else? Too many questions, but not enough answers.

" _I hate him so much,_ " she choked out, and her knees collapsed beneath her, where she then curled into herself, seeking comfort from nothing.

And when she finally calmed enough to wipe her non-existent (at least not physically) tears, she collected herself and headed home, alone, as she normally did long before she could remember.

"You're back!"

Smiling emptily, she stood still as her sister trapped her like seaweed, hugging her with the purest intentions, yet wrecking havoc upon her thoughts.

"There's cake, I got it as a gift, but I saved a slice for you, it's _real_ good!"

Allowing herself to be dragged into the kitchen, she then adjusted her facial expressions to appear more _exuberant_ , so that nothing was amiss, and her thoughts wouldn't appear on her face.

"It's blueberry, our favourite!"

 _Yours, I hate it,_ she thought, because everything her sister loved, she hated.

And because the one person her sister didn't love, was the one person she loved, but that person didn't return her love because he was pining for someone who already loved another.

But smiling politely, she forced herself to take a bite, just to appease her sister, before she declared that she was on a diet, so she didn't want the rest.

That night, she curled into herself, grasping her hair while mildly suffocating herself beneath the blankets. She wanted to block out the images of him waiting at the gates for _not-her_ , but for the life of her, it kept playing like a broken record, and she felt helpless against the fears and regrets she made by her own decisions.

When morning came, she was the first to rise (hell, she hadn't slept a wink because her mind had been a total ass replaying that very scene of dread).

"There's someone at the door for you!" her mother called out, and while she knew that it was her sister she'd been referring to, she still had her hopes up, wanting it to be her that was being sought for.

The sound of the door closing had her slump in her seat, and when she glanced up through the window of the kitchen, it was to the heart-wrenching sight of her sister chatting amicably with the cause of all her troubles. She couldn't help it, but she fell for him even more, even though he would hurt her in all the possible ways.

"When will I ever learn?" she muttered to herself, grabbing her bag and heading out the door, fully well knowing that she would never learn, because what her heart wanted was what her mind was well-bent on providing. She was stubborn to many faults, and it would only lead to her heart breaking, but there was nothing she was willing to do to stop it from breaking into tinier pieces. She was just too deep into it. She was too far gone.

"Where were you? I thought you were walking behind us!"

Smiling, she explained that she had forgotten some things back home, so she had gone back to get them—an obvious lie to her ears because she had never walked with them, but what her sister didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

* * *

"You're at my disposal."

She smiled up at him, heart fluttering as he trapped her against the wall, and she wondered what caused him to take her offer. She knew, of course, but she wanted to hear it from him, hear the pain in his voice and maybe resignation from pursuing her sister, but he would never tell and she would only ask in sound.

"Just shut up," was all he said before his teeth sunk deep into the space between her neck and collarbone.

Melting, she found it difficult to stand, and her eye lids dropped as she breathed in, not even registering the moan that slipped from her lips as he drew blood.

"You're disgusting," was all he said before leaving her to take care of the bleeding.

She knew he wouldn't be kind to her, she had signed up for it since she fell for him, but even though he treated her poorly (an understatement, really), she couldn't help feeling the way she felt for him.

It wasn't healthy, not for her, but she would take all that she could get, and if she ended up more wounded than ever, well, she would only have herself to blame.

* * *

Her study partner was sweet, and she felt herself smile as they worked through the problems together. It was a nice feeling, this lightheartedness that she hadn't felt for a long time, and she wanted to gobble it all up, because she didn't deserve this joy, not when she had both feet in the dark pits.

"It's getting late, I'll walk you home."

 _Oh you don't have to, really,_ she thought, but one glance out the window and she accepted his hand. After all, they had stayed later than normal, and she didn't feel safe walking home alone.

"Thank you," she whispered when they reached her home, and she didn't know what caused her to do what she did, but she didn't regret it when he kissed her cheek in return. Her heart felt light, really, it made her feel giddy.

It wasn't until sleep evaded her that night that her mind turned in on her, and she started feeling guilty for feeling giddy. She felt that she was cheating on him, even though they weren't together, and he didn't care about what she did or who she saw, but she still felt guilty and swore that she wouldn't make that mistake again.

Her study partner eventually proposed that they needed a break from working together, and she agreed, despite feeling her heart hurt because she had enjoyed her time with him, and he had too, but she understood what he wasn't telling her.

They gradually stopped hanging out altogether, and she felt the loss terribly, but she knew that it was never meant to be, because she didn't deserve someone as sweet as him, and he certainly didn't deserve someone as broken as her.

* * *

She had known for a while now that there was something wrong with her, and when her sister cried in her arms, she somehow felt free.

"You can't tell anyone," she whispered to her sister, and she smiled when the hideous tears continued to run down her sister's cheeks.

"You can't tell anyone," she repeated, louder this time, and smiled serenely when her sister only clung to her tighter.

She was sent home with clear instructions to not overexert herself, but when had she ever?

* * *

"You're disgusting."

She could only smile as he stepped away from her, like he'd done everytime he took out his anger on her person.

"And you'll never be with her," she whispered as he turned to the door, but she knew he had heard, and she prepared herself for his fury, which she'd gotten used to since—so long ago, really.

"You're a vile, wanton, worthless whore! You'll never be her, because she's pure, innocent, full of light, and you're nothing. You—you're nothing," he seethed, baring his teeth as he fought the urge to slam her into the wall.

She kept her eyes closed in a smile. It wasn't the first time she heard him say such things, but it would definitely be the last. After all, today was her last day with him.

" _I hate you,_ " she whispered as a breeze swept into the classroom, and she waited until he left before she wrapped her arms around herself, goosebumps rising on her skin.

"And yet, I find myself loving you to death..."

* * *

When word got out that she was dead, he had shut down. Everything seemed like a lie, and he was waiting for someone to announce that it was an April Fools joke, only, they were nowhere near the 1st of April, and the fact that one specific student had burst out crying confirmed that it was indeed the truth.

 _I treated her like shit,_ he thought, running his tongue over his teeth, and he could taste her blood from the night before, haunting him as if he would never be able to wash his sins because she was dead.

" _Why do you regret it now? You have no reason to regret anything._ "

He looked up, turning his head this way and that, because he could swear that he heard her speaking to him, but she was dead and he was just hallucinating.

" _I will always love you, you know that right?_ "

 _Stop messing with me, stop messing with my mind!_ he ground out as he clenched his fists above his desk.

" _She will never love you, no matter how much you want her to._ "

 _Shut up!_ he growled loudly, and before anyone could say anything, he fled the classroom. Only, it wasn't such a great idea because now he was running through memory lane of every single place and conversation she had with him. He would belittle her, curse her, call her names, and still she wanted him. Well, she had him, a part of him that he knew would never recover because she was gone. Dead, he corrected himself, and he slumped to the ground.

"I'm sorry, I should have treated you better..." he whispered.

" _You wouldn't have, don't lie to yourself,_ " she whispered back to his ears, and his ears only.

"If you told me—" he began to say, getting angry at her easy dismissal, and he knew he was going crazy when he looked up to see her standing there, right in front of him, looking as though she was still alive.

" _You would've called me a liar,_ " she said, staring down at him.

He rubbed his eyes, but she was still there.

" _It hurt, you know. I could feel it every time you rejected me, but I still chased after you even though you tore my heart into pieces._ "

He could only stare in pain, and he was startled when he heard her give a short, mirthless laugh. When he opened his mouth to ask her what she meant by her laughter, he had to pause, because she wasn't there anymore.

She had come and gone as easily as the wind.

* * *

Over the years, he would catch a glimpse of her, but when he moved to catch her, there'd be no trace that she was there, just the sure sign of the wind detailing her leave.

It wasn't until his feelings for _her_ abated and he could see now that he didn't have it in himself to break up the newly wedded, not after she told him how much her sister had fallen for him, thinking her asleep while she cried tears and tears over his ignorance.

It would be years until he realized that, in a way, he had fallen for her, and he'd curse himself over and over again, because he'd blame himself for her death.

"I love you, you idiot woman," he whispered, and for one second, he thought he saw her smile down at him on his deathbed.

" _And I you, you idiot man._ "

And with a smile, he finally joined her as they began their new beginning.


End file.
